Ordinarily unemployment, at least for me has been more enjoyable than this time round. I would almost be unemployed out of choice, and if it wasn't by choice, it was mildy enjoyable ( I had time to do enjoyable things) and it was temporary.
Zoom forward to 2009. After hearing about rising unemployment, everyday, when I was out in Portugal, I thought I'd never experience it. Tefl would keep me employed, or so I thought.
I guess I'm in quite a dark place at the moment. I'm sitting here trying to figure out how I got here. Sometimes it is hard to work out these things, but I'll give it a go.
After leaving my job, I came home. Financially a decent step, but not in any other way.
Crammed into a study, with a mattress and half a metre's space, living with family and arguments, quizzed on everything and generally annoyed- it wasn't a good start.
Adding to this a breaking up of 6 and a half year relationship and alienation from all of my friends (the consequences in breaking circles of 'leaving' them- going to Portugal) and no place to train. With no money, a serious lack of friends, no girl and the small things that annoy me at home- welcome to my current situation.
The up is I should get some money in in the next few days. The down? An anger I haven't felt before. Application form after application form, cv sent, cv re-worked, cv sent, ignored, too many apologies from underqualfied over-polite annoying recruitment agents.
Days filled up with the habit- online poker.
Joint problems.
So. How to get a u-turn? I'm going to list some bad habits and work round them.
- Over reliance on one or two friends
- Over reliance on one friends car
- Too much online poker
- Too much time online
- Too little reading
Ways to improve
- set a deadline- to leave the country or do something equally dramatic
- final reworkings of the effing cv
- get up earlier
- max. 30 mins of poker a day
- do something creative
- be kinder to people in a vain attempt to feel better about the shitness that is my life.
- rest more, stress less.
Saturday, 21 November 2009
Notes on unemployment- the ups and the downs
Thursday, 19 November 2009
School Phobia bull shit.
A BBC article states kids are scared of going into school and labels seperation anxiety, attached to lovely mommy and daddy as a cause.
My take?
Having been to a 'rough' school I know what it is like to not want to go to school. We, me and my friends, jokingly reffered to our school as a 'prison'. I counted down the days to end of term.
My brother, who is 4.5 years older said 'I only have one term left brother while you have 4 years, good luck!' - that's the kinda place it was.
When there was drugs, kids smoking and drinking at age 12, bullying (broken ribs and arms on a few occasions), fights including headbutts and elbows in the playground (blood everywhere), teachers being beaten up by parents, what did we do?
We went into school. We grew up quickly. What was the alternative? School is school, you do your time whether its a nice school or not a nice one.
I don't regret going to the school in any way, shape or form, in fact it really was a good kind of social education.
Sunday, 15 November 2009
Starting my own business
While I'm somewhat used to investing in businesses of other people or transnational businesses, starting my own is a different kettle of fish.
Stocks, tick. Real estate, soon to be tick ( i hope!). My own business? On the internet? Hmmm.
I find it easier to part with money for someone else's. It is managed for me. There is no time investment. In some ways, if investing in solid enterprises, there is less risk. 1 or 2k in a start up? Normally down the drain. Opening my wallet won't be easy, but the road to financial freedom has its' potholes and, taking the visual metaphor a step further, if I never step foot on the road of self employment the road to wealth may as well be forgotten.
Wish me luck.
Wish me luck.
Lifestyle change necessary
Moving into the old house, with the mother was tolerable, for a week or two but it signifies a change in lifestyle far great. Regression and unemployment.
Falling back into addictions. Online poker, at least I'm not wasting money on the thing, it is all free, for now. Facebook controls some of my life as well.
The rest of my day?Well..
One postive side effect of my recent unemployment is a return to training, yesterday for example- I trained in the morning with friends for 90 mins or so, then went out in the evening, totalling at least 5 hours or breaking. Hardcore. I'm feeling it today though...
Friday, 13 November 2009
Sunday, 8 November 2009
On going back to places
I don't often go back to places. I've been told I'm always in different places, which is kind of true, but I hardly ever go back. This year I've done it twice.
I went back to Bournemouth, where I'd done my first tefl job, met some cool people and had a good time. This time round everyone had either swine flu or expected swine flu, no one really clicked and most of the students (who we got on wekl with last time) were just too rich, and unaware of it (always asking us to do things we couldnt afford etc, waving 50s in our faces, that kind of thing).
Portugal round 2, where I'd worked last year.
Weather wasnt as good, though seeing my old house, in Ajuda, going back to Cambridge and training with my old training partner Pedro, were all good.
I have to say I hadn't expected to feel nostalgic or sad, but there were feelings of doubt. Should I be back in Portugal, doing a second year? I did def miss speaking Portuguese, and some of the characters in my old life. I even missed my eccentric landlord.
I'm glad I went back, but resolved to try to carve out a new year, doing different things.
Heck, I can always go back...... another time!