Gun wielding Elementary students, and I'm in the firing line (pun intended)

Gun wielding Elementary students, and I'm in the firing line (pun intended)

When I started I was told that I'd be teaching an Elementary group, which to the non TEFL world means beginner, but not an absolute beginner(someone who can string together a sentence, just about), I wasn't overjoyed, but I wasn't that bothered either.

On the awful training we were subjected to we were told many contradictory things, and as I've not had an ample amount of experience with this level I was most dreading it. To make matters that bit worse, the lessons would be all adults (more needy, impatient etc) and on Mondays 8-10pm and Fridays 8-10pm, blocking me training with the top bboy crew (who invited me),..fun fun fun.

The first class, according to the syllabus, I was told to go back to square one. In fact, the first few lessons are all revision, which I didn't realise wouldn't go down too well. They knew most of the material I'd prepared, and was told that what I'd prepared might last 2 classes, in fact it didn't even last one class! Also, something I didn't know is half the class was in a previous course so if I didn't win them over in the first few lessons,.... The method I was told to use was the direct method. Literally repeating and asking questions, for 50 mins. For example is this a red pen, Yes. Is this(choose a blue one) a red pen? Nooooo, it ISN't a red pen, it is a blue one. I guess you can imagine the fun. They were turning on me, without me realising,...

Another issue was prickly. I was told that the learners were to be spoken at normal speed. without changing tone, accent or anything. So, mid 4th lesson, I'm told, by the students, that they don't like my accent as it's 'not like the people on the cds'. Not what a teacher wants to hear.

Before my class today my boss had a word with me about these students and their complaints. Not only this, but went into my lesson, told me to leave and chatted with them about all the problems, possibly going into detail about how my looks weren't up to scratch 'why can't you employ Jonny depp to teach us' and other such useful comments. So, 20 mins into the class I'm ushered in with the motivational comments by the head of the school of
> They really don't like you, they want a change of teacher.. you'd better make it a fantastic lesson',
with those kind of words its highly surprising that my boss didn't win American football coach prep talker of the year! Her level of tact is on a par with John wayne's in all the old westerns. Well, I was told she wasn't a 'people person' (code for something else, methinks)

I finally enter the room like someone has just slapped me with a wet fish. The students, undeterred by my presence, wave a hand, signaling that my public humiliation is to carry on, full force. They eagerly continue, in their native tongue. For a brief moment I'm thinking, trying to be positive, hey I'm being paid, i've done nothing for the past 25 mins and they are still paying me.

I overhear, that one student doesn't understand when i speak, of 4 mins of their talking this is the only Portuguese I understand. A teacher isn't a person in this context, just a conduit for the learning/business process. So I'm sitting there, waiting, having followed the course and method by the book, by the f-ing book. My reward. Forget everything I was told on the orientation now it's time to do it my way.

So the lesson starts. This is it. A memory game. They like it. Though I am still subjected to a 10 min lecture by my boss on XYZ that translates to ' They are the customers' Break over, and no food or drink. BANG, back on stage. Next bit.

Inquiring about price, using a mill drill, basically they mill around asking questions. Doesn't sound fun, but the characters in the room come out of their metaphorical closets and produce acting genious worthy of a TEFL oscar. Building on the dialogue of
A How much is it?
B It costs XYZ amount
A Great, I'll buy it/ That's a bit expensive
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
A (Bright spark TEFL oscar winning savour student insert) Can you lower the price?

This enivitably livens the class up a bit.

Last 20 mins are saved for a lovely neat introduction to the present continuous, What are you wearing, tying in neatly with the past theatrical performance we all took part in (yes, moi aussi).

Result- the once gun wielding students suddenly love me. They all struggle to say that it was the best lesson. God bless Reward (textbook/photocopiable gold for tefl teachers) making life in the tefl minefield easier, at least until the present activity ends,.... life on a knife edge, easy slip and get cut,.....well some of my friends do call me cutz!